I can’t tell you how often I feel the need to pull myself together.
I feel bad about myself, like I’m not doing the things I’m supposed to be doing, not living up to my expectations of myself, and generally failing at being the distinguished human I feel required to be. This not only makes me feel sludgy about myself, but it also brings out my teenage rebellious side that would rather sleep and indulge in junk food than be good and do the things I should do.
An alternative might be the self-love of acceptance. I have some really bad associations with that word “acceptance,” however. I picture slovenly half-arsedness and cringe. Because I can see HOW things can be better, I feel compelled to push until they ARE better.
But what if there was a balance here? Something off the beaten all or nothing paths? Can I create a middle ground that isn’t straddling a barbed wire fence?
Dear Julie, thank you for being whole and fully together. I love you for who you are at this very moment — including the part of you always straining to be better, which has made you into the incredible woman you are today. I will love you as you continue to grow, no matter how long your self-discoveries take. I recognize you for your warrior spirit and the decades of hard work you’ve completed. Just for now, I give you permission to relax and enjoy the view, for you have climbed far.
On the path of transformation, you will experience acceptance, which entails accepting your own inner condition exactly as it is, without reacting to it or defending against it. Can you experience this in yourself today?
~Understanding the Enneagram, 372