October 31, 2016
by PoWa
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Dear Julie,

Q. Hey, have you all noticed that your lips are so sensitive, they can feel your fingerprints? ~ESFP

A. Wow! I had never noticed that before, but you are right!

We all need to get back in touch with the physical reality of our bodies and the world around us. We spend way too much time worrying about the future, fretting over the past, and not enough time enjoying the moment.

It’s difficult for you as an Se (in the moment physical experience) to get any respect in this ultra goal-oriented, forward-striding, overly ambitious society that sacrifices today to the almighty dollar.

But the tide is turning in your favor! Society has begun to notice the value of returning to the moment and staying present. You are likely looking for a job right now, why not consider leading New Age Awareness classes at local yoga studios, athletic clubs, and outdoor stores. All you’ll have to do is take people out on your adventures with you.

Get one of your all responsible-like friends to set the business up for you (including liability release), and treat them to grand dinners with your proceeds. You’ll be great at doing your own sales and marketing, and think of all the new people you’ll meet and all the fun you’ll have! Quick forward this to that responsible friend before you get distrac…

October 17, 2016
by PoWa
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Dear Julie,

Q. Why is nearly everyone on the planet so irrational and unreasonable? Can anything be done to save our species from its own ridiculous stupidity? ~INTP

A. With Ti (logic and reason) as your dominant function, it’s easy to understand why you view those who don’t naturally use Ti high in their function family as illogical and not reasonable. You are used to ordering your thoughts into a logical train before acting on them. When ordering your thoughts, you look at the broadest possible picture to find what is universally true, regardless of individual quirks, preferences, or opinions. So naturally, those who don’t go to that effort seem to be selfishly prioritizing themselves over the good of the collective.

There are two pitfalls within this viewpoint I’d like you to consider.

First, are you certain that the actions you’ve decreed as “most logical” are not tainted by your own views and experiences of life? For example, suppose you’ve decided it makes absolutely no sense to have more than one tissue box per room. Could it be that your wife has put 3 boxes in each room because she experiences events and sensations that are outside the norm of your own existence? Perhaps she has a constantly runny nose, but also has difficulty walking about due to hip pain. The box in every usable corner allows her to keep the mucus flow under control while minimizing the walking about she has to do. From her perspective, the plethora of tissue boxes makes quite a bit of sense!

In order to be most effective, you must use your Ti to carefully sort what seems most logical from a limited perspective, from what actually is logical from all perspectives. What I’m saying is that, believe it or not, your own logic often is tainted by your personal biases. Use this knowledge to relate to those you are condemning.

Second, if you’d like to communicate reason and logic for the benefit of the world, you’ll be more effective if you curb the condescension oozing from your frustration that others don’t see what is so clear to you. This is where it will be very useful for you to develop the Fe (social relationship) that balances out your Ti.

Regardless of the universality of absolute truths that apply to all humans (like gravity on earth and history repeating itself), the experience of the individual human and the collective experience of society affect how we deal with universal truths. Learn why people hold the beliefs they do, irrational as they may be. What purpose do the beliefs serve them? What experiences have they originated out of? What would be lost, if these beliefs are lost?

From this broader perspective, you can temper the delivery of your information. It’s not enough to provide an intellectual analysis. You must relate the information to the daily experience of people in society and the consequences to their loved ones. You have to provide an alternative for all that is lost if old beliefs and ways are given up to account for new information.

Above all you must have patience. People resist change and they resist what they don’t understand. Acknowledge that you do the same and learn from your own resistance.

The vast majority of the population does not have Ti in the upper portion of their function family. In order to come to understand how Ti works and why it is an important perspective, we need INTPs who will patiently explain the universal principles over and over in simple terms, gauging the receptivity of their audience and actively working to remain polite and respectful despite the perceived unsavory aspects of the message.

Of all the types, you have the inner calm to absorb over-reactions of vitriol and stay the educational course. Look to Sam Harris as a prime example.

October 10, 2016
by PoWa
0 comments

Dear Julie,

Q. I hate my job. ~ISFP

A. As a gentle, generous person of few words but deep emotions, it’s difficult for you to find a job that uses and appreciates your unique skills, without taking advantage of you.

I have two suggestions for you.

First, create jobs for yourself within your job that you will enjoy. There are certain tasks required of you at your workplace, and you’ll do your best with those, whether or not you enjoy them. But also add your own creative touch. For example, if you work with clients, make it part of your job to entertain their children while they are attending to other business. Or if you are required to write up information for the public, add illustrations that use your natural drawing talent and make the literature more appealing to others.

In other words, even if your skills haven’t been recognized and requested by your boss, add them anyway! No only will you get to do things you enjoy at your job, but your boss should see this as you going above and beyond the call of duty to provide better service! (If they don’t, find a new boss!)

My second suggestion for you is to find an advocate at your job who will stand up for you. It’s nearly impossible for you to do this on your own. You will take it and take it and take it… until you explode. Neither is good for your health or résumé!

Find someone at work who likes you and is a bit more outspoken than you are. Ask them to commend you to the boss — to talk up how wonderful you are with the kids and how great the illustrations are that you’ve voluntarily added to the advertising. You have to make sure people are noticing, if you want the appreciation you deserve!

You can offer something in exchange to this kind friend who will talk you up to the others. Perhaps you can take their kids to the park, or bake cookies for the staff birthday parties.

Finding ways to use your skills and finding friends to value you, these are the ways to save your sanity at work! With these two things, you can do just about any job and not hate it!

October 3, 2016
by PoWa
0 comments

Dear Julie,

Q. My children are my life. I’ve sacrificed everything to bring them up, providing the best care I possibly could. But now that they are adults, they have moved out of my life and I barely hear from them or see them. I feel very unappreciated and marginalized. When I tell them how hurt I am that they’ve closed me out of their life, they ignore me. I just want the love of my children back in my life. ~ISFJ

A. Your type, the ISFJ, is sometimes nicknamed “The Mother,” because that is your quintessential approach to life and relationships. You are one of the most devoted and service oriented types, and your quiet, loving, grounded perseverance keeps the world turning reliably on its axis. The only thing you want in return for your endless labor is the love and appreciation of those you’ve devoted your life too! Is that too much to ask?

Not at all.

Suppose that a friend in need asked you to help her with her garden. You rushed over with buckets and buckets of water… only to find that her planters had no dirt! She might say, “Oh, I so appreciate your willingness to help me, but I have water, it’s soil that I need!” So, suppose you went back home, then returned to her yard … with more water instead of soil! Of course, all plants need water! And suppose you did this every day, from then on, glad that you could help, by bringing her water! Would you be surprised if she got frustrated that you were determined to bring her water when what she needed was soil?

This is the core problem for the ISFJ. You want so much to help those you care about, that you don’t always make sure you are helping in the manner most needed. Then you find your help goes unappreciated, even though you are working so hard and sacrificing of yourself to help! The best thing you can do for your loved ones and your own health, is to find out what the real need is BEFORE you offer help!

Perhaps you are offering your children water when what they need is soil? If that’s been going on a while, they may have despaired of ever getting the soil they need, and are avoiding you to avoid getting more water!

Think about the following questions for a bit so you can answer as honestly as possible… have you made it safe and acceptable for your children to tell you what they do and do not need from you?

How can you find out what it is that your children need from you, and would show appreciation for receiving?

Are you willing to give your children what they need, even if it doesn’t fit your idea of what they should need?

September 26, 2016
by PoWa
0 comments

Dear Julie,

Q: Many years ago, I had a deep and meaningful relationship that fell apart. The man still means so much to me, and I want the opportunity to discuss things with him. I must have called a thousand times to tell him I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done, but when I call he never seems to be home. I feel he’s completely cut me out of his life, and it breaks my heart. What can I do? ~ENFJ

A: As an ENFJ with a dominant Fe (social relatedness), it’s perfectly natural that you feel this way. Your relationships with other people are the most important thing in your life. You experience them on a deep emotional level. The happiness of others means everything to you, and you hate the idea that you may have messed up and caused someone else pain. For you, it is natural to talk things out, get all the messy, complicated emotions out there, so that everyone knows what happened and where they stand. It’s a cathartic release for you that clears the air and allows you to reconnect with the other person again.

The difficulty for you is that a good portion of the population doesn’t work this way because Fe is not their dominant (or even secondary) function. Because these others interact in different ways emotionally, your emotional reactions are often misunderstood. The best thing you can do for others, for your relationships, and for yourself, is learn about the other ways people react emotionally, how you come across to them, and how you can approach them in ways that meet their particular needs.

For example, those with Fe in the lower half of their function family, the Thinkers, do not often express their emotions outwardly in the way you do, and may tend to view such expression as over reaction. What is natural and cathartic for you, is seen as drama to them. Don’t take it personally! They are just wired differently than you.

You may call someone many times, simply because that’s an outward expression of how much you care. For a “T” individual though, this may seem excessively uncalled for, on the point of harassment! They will react by slamming down a protective wall to keep you out! For example, they may be sending your calls straight to spam, whether or not they are home! I know, it’s so frustrating to have your good intentions misunderstood! Fortunately, you have the dominant function most able to learn how to adapt to the strange behaviors of others, and love them anyway!

If you find yourself in a cold case like this, your strategy is to find other ways to release the majority of your emotional expression. A great way to do this is to find another Fe (ENFJ, ESFJ, INFJ, ISFJ) who thinks like you do, and let it all out with her. But there are other outlets for you, like pouring yourself into a craft or service project.

Once you’ve gotten the heat of your emotions out, you can approach your remote loved one — but only once! So plan ahead and make it good! It’s essential to keep your communication short and CALM. If you can’t find a way to do that, you aren’t done releasing — call another Fe friend! 🙂 If you are not sure if you are pulling it off, run your communication ideas past someone you trust who has T in their upper family function, to get their reaction.

Once you have delivered your short, calm communication to your estranged loved one… that’s it. You wait. It’s up to them if they want to respond! I know! It’s best if you’ve prepared distractions for yourself, to get the whole thing off your mind. Have a shopping trip planned with a friend, or a volunteer project that takes all your time, or find someone sick or lonely who really needs the love and attention you have to give.

The person receiving your message likely needs some time to digest it and decide if and how to react. They don’t tackle this sort of thing like you, by reacting as feels natural and assessing later. You help them best by honoring their own peculiar process. Keep in mind that if you have a history of emotional expression with them, they might choose not to return your communication. What you consider communication, they may consider explosions… and they may wish to keep their distance.

Consider this a life-learning lesson. When you meet someone else who reminds you of them, be ready to run your new game plan when your emotions peak. Beat it out with your Fe friends first, throw yourself into a cathartic release, then have a calm interaction with your beloved T. Now you’ve set the stage for open communications with your strange but adorable T friend!

September 19, 2016
by PoWa
2 Comments

Dear Julie,

Q. I’m always running around frantically handling dozens of things at once. Everything is chaos – the kids all need to be somewhere, taking care of the house and husband, building my business, staying in touch with people. I feel like I never get a moment to myself, never have the time for all the projects I’ve thought up — I can’t even ever fit in a good night’s sleep! How can I calm this storm enough to take better care of myself? ~ENFP

A. It sounds like your dominant Ne (creative impulse) is running the show and not not accepting help from your other functions! Ne loves a challenge — the more chaos the better! She’s a bit like a crazed Jack Russell Terrier racing around the yard, stopping momentarily to play with everything — the garden, the sprinkler, the kids, the toys.

You could use some of your other functions to create better balance in your life!

First, tap into your Fi (values) to remind yourself of what you most value. You value your family, the kids and your spouse, you value the independence your business brings you, your friends, and your own life and happiness. Now hone in a bit deeper, and ask yourself how you can best honor each of the things and people you most value. Pick out just one or two things to bump to the top of the list. Like setting a good example for the kids and inspiring them by enrolling them in activities.

And what goes at the bottom of your list? Perhaps, enrolling the kids in so much activity, that the only interaction they have with you is frenzied and hassled? Now you are tapping into your Si (groundedness) – the presentation matters. It’s not enough to keep the kids busy. The activities must be meaningful, character building, and relationship building — and hopefully your kids are enjoying them! Take a deep breath. Tune inward and feel the messages your body sends you as you consider all the many things you do in the day. Are there activities that really don’t honor your values that can be trimmed out?

Try thinking this through for each person and event in your life that matter most to you. Take some notes. Put a star next those top activities that you want to keep in your life, and cross out the ones that are not furthering your innermost cherished values. Don’t worry about all the millions of activities between those extremes. The more time you create in your life, the more of those you’ll be able to fit in.

Now tap into your Te (organizational capabilities — yes, you have those!). How can you arrange the top things on the list so that you are doing them in the most efficient manner and order to save time? Perhaps it would be helpful to create an online family calendar, that everyone can access easily and often? If you know where everyone needs to be and when, it’s much easier to coordinate events.

When you are creating your schedule, you must absolutely schedule in time for yourself. You know that if you do not, you will fill all your time doing things for others! But you cannot fill the cups of others if your own teapot is empty. If it seems daunting, start small. Two half hour slots a day — just for you… even if all you do during that time is breathe, you will begin to feel calmer and more relaxed.

The more you organize, the more you time you will find that you have. For example, suppose you invest a small amount of upfront time developing a system for preparing each of the daily meals. Your Te will love coming up with strategy, and will engage your Ne to make the system creative and fun — perhaps involving the kids in the game as well! Then you can allow your Si to turn this system into a habitual routine — like brushing your teeth — you always find time for that!

Suddenly, all the time you wasted turning in circles of confusion around meal times will be yours to do… whatever you want with!!

Do the same thing in every area that causes you chaos. Suppose it’s always a disaster finding everything the children need to take to school? What if you put a basket for each child near the door and train everyone to put all school related things always in the school basket? The house always looks like a tornado hit? Perhaps you can pare down the amount of stuff you keep? If you take a good look around, do you really need to keep it all to clutter your life? It can be so relieving to get rid of things.

Don’t hesitate to get help with this process! Te is third in your function family, so seek out friends who have Te higher in their stack. They will LOVE to help you order your life, believe me, their Te is itching to do so already — you’ll be doing them a favor by asking them for the help. 😉

The key for you is “organize and habitualize.” Every part of your life you apply this key to, will open up more time for you to use your creativity doing what matters most to you.

September 12, 2016
by PoWa
1 Comment

Dear Julie,

Q: Dear Julie, I get really frustrated with myself when it comes to getting tasks done. Sometimes I’m really in the flow and can get a ton of things done at once. But most of the time it’s excruciating to try and get myself to take action when I know I should be doing something. I always get my tasks done on time, and I always do them well; I’m just annoyed with how long it takes me to get started a lot of the time. Is there any way to motivate myself to shift into gear on command? ~INTJ

A: Actually, as an INTJ, it’s not your functional makeup to charge quickly into action to get tasks done as they arise. That’s the realm of the dominant Te. Our society rather glorifies the Te. It’s the function that pulls itself up by its bootstraps, takes charge and makes it happen, wraps things up quickly and efficiently with no loose ends, and moves on to the next project. Te is the “Just Do It” function, the executive function.

Since this behavior is idealized in our society, we’re all encouraged to act this way, even if Te isn’t our dominant function. Many of us have spent miserable years in the work force trying to pretend we are dominant Te to fulfill expectations! So, in a way, you’re lucky if you have a dominant Te in our society. Of course, society is also quick to turn around and bite the Te for doing its job, calling it overly aggressive and bossy, especially if it should happen to be dominant in a female.

The rest of us without a dominant Te are meant to function according to our own set of dominant and subsequent functions. As an INTJ, your dominant function is Ni (intuition) and Te (organizing) is your auxiliary function. As you’ve noticed, you do have the ability to kick your secondary Te into action and mow through a To Do list, but it’s not your first reaction.

Your first priority is to mull your projects over in your unconscious, slowly digesting them in the background while you attend to other things. From a traditional Te view, it will look like you are not working on the project, but you are… unconsciously! No, that’s not just a cop out. This is how introverted intuition works — it is always synthesizing the information that comes in through perception, sifting it, sorting it, teasing out the connections, building an interconnected web of understanding. Until suddenly, the critical piece falls into place and you know what needs to be done.

That’s when your Te kicks in. She says, ah ha! Finally the plan has been uncovered and I can run in and implement it and get this job completed. If you ask her to do the job before she gets this guidance from your intuition, she’s going to drag her heels. She’s letting you know through her obstinacy that your Ni isn’t done yet and you’re going to waste her time forcing her to work on the project now before the information is all sorted out. If there’s anything Te hates, it’s wasting time! So when you feel this inertia against starting a project, it’s not Te who you should be bugging, it’s your intuition!

There are some ways of nudging intuition along. I’ve found, for example, that she works really well when you otherwise occupy yourself with something mundane, like doing the dishes and laundry (ha! and you thought you could use this post to get away with lazing about!). She (or he) also enjoys things like gardening or walks, or other activities that get you out in nature. Lazing about works too.

She needs a lot of sleep. In fact, she’ll often speak to you in dreams, so it can be helpful to keep a dream journal. You can also use a technique called “active imagination” to give her ways to speak to you. One way to do this is by having a conversation in your head. Think, write, or talk out both sides of the conversation with yourself. Yep, talking to yourself is a sign that you can converse with your unconscious!

If you let your lower functions get involved, Ni can team up with Fi while sorting things out. Fi (values) will make sure you are taking the human aspect into consideration as you formulate your plans. The typical INTJ “evil genius” is usually neglecting his Fi. Then when you work on the project, you can let Se (presence) team up with Te to make the work more fun!

To sum up, for the INTJ, it’s more important to take time to allow your intuition to work before jumping into completing a task.

September 5, 2016
by PoWa
1 Comment

Dear Julie,

Q: Dear Julie, I’m in charge of leading a class, and I’m freaking out over the details of setup and structure. My anxiety levels are through the roof and I can barely breathe. I’m scared people won’t take the class or will drop out. I’m scared I’ll have to badger people do to their work or my class will fail. I don’t want to keep being this tense. What can I do? ~INFP

A: As an INFP, your potential superpower comes from your combination of first and second (dominant and auxiliary) Functions, Fi (values) and Ne (creativity), which allows you to create new possibilities based on your strong moral compass. This combination helped you conceive the idea for your class and will help you be a great group leader, bringing out the potential for betterment in the students.

However, the structural Te needed to organize the group is in the inferior fourth position of your Function Family, so that part is stressing you out. It’s a very necessary part though! Proper structure and attention to details and preparation will help your class succeed. You will walk into the class feeling confident, and your students will see your organization and have confidence in you.

The trick to using an inferior Te is to approach it through your other functions. If you go straight to your inexperienced Te, she freaks out because she doesn’t know how to handle your request. She needs to take direction from the functions above her.

This is what I call the Function Flow. Using your functions in the order natural to your personality helps things run more smoothly. The order of your functions as an INFP is: Fi, Ne, Si, Te. Let’s look at how you might step through them one-by-one to get to “the details of setup and structure.”

Fi: Ask yourself: What are my values, what is the higher purpose and meaning of this class? Get clear on your greater purpose in teaching this class, and then always keep it in mind above all else.

Ne: Ask yourself: What are the positive possibilities I envision for this class? For example, the class starting up as smoothly as possible, everyone following through on their responsibilities and learning a lot, your own ability to adapt to the realities and inconveniences that come up.

Si: Now you can ask yourself: What details are required to make all of these possibilities unfold smoothly? Go through your envisioned possibilities from Ne, and make a list of every detail you can think of that might help or hinder the realization of your vision. Definitely reach out for help from others to think of things that you might be leaving out, especially if you’re working on a new sort of project. It’s best to engage Si at the very beginning of the process, when you first think of teaching a course. If you talk to her a few days before the course launches, she’s likely to punch you in the gut and walk away.

Te: Now you are clear on your values, your possibilities, and the details required to realize them. You can hand all this directly to Te and she’s set to go! With all this guidance, she’ll be able to jump into gear and design a structure and a plan for getting things done. She’ll want to get started right away and it’s best to listen to her. Delegate as much as possible, leave way more time for Te to do her thing than Ne thinks it should take, and ask others with Te higher in their function flow for guidance. Along the way, note what is working and what is helping for future use.

Your Fi/Ne like to engage in the flow of the experience as it unfolds, so they will absolutely put off details and structure till the last minute. Si/Te don’t work well at the last minute, especially when they are undeveloped and lack training. Waiting until the day/week before a big project guarantees unnecessary stress, urgency, and anxiety. Te will run around yelling that the sky is falling. Si will abandon you to your procrastination. Ne will start thinking worst case scenarios, and Fi will doubt herself.

Whenever it gets too stressful as you work with the lower functions, Si and Te, come back to your higher functions, Fi and Ne. Remind yourself, What is the higher purpose, What are the positive possibilities. Reset your thinking and create a space to allow your strong Fi/Ne to support your weaker Si/Te — then all of you will have room to breathe!

August 29, 2016
by PoWa
0 comments

Math and Science Tutoring

Possibility Warrior Tutoring

I remember what it was like to struggle with science and math subjects, and I hope to remove the anxiety and frustration from these topics. I don’t just tutor Science and Math skills, I try to also teach a Science and Math confidence mindset! I now have an MS in physics and a PhD in biophysics, despite my struggles, so these difficulties CAN be overcome!

I’ve been tutoring College and High School students for 25 years – since my college work-study days! I’ve also taught classes at the University level, but I prefer working one-on-one so that I can really directly address individual questions and confusions. I take the material as slowly and patiently as needed to find your inner science or math Super Star! =)

I have a wide science background across biology, chemistry, and physics. I have worked as a research scientist and lecturer at Caltech, one of the top technical schools in the world.

I also tutor other topics, including history, english, and writing. I enjoy working with student to learn how to use a structured writing process to produce excellent papers and essays.

Everyone has a hidden Einstein in them! CONTACT me for tutoring and let me help you discover yours! 😉

Reviews available at Wyzant (lower price for contacting me outside of Wyzant).

August 21, 2016
by PoWa
0 comments

Dog Boarding

Background

I have loved and cared for dogs my whole life. I dog sit regularly and have a 10 year old rat terrier, Abby, who loves the company. I trained her with Dog Whisperer principles. She’s great with other dogs and adjusts to their temperament and activity level. I work mostly from home so I’m usually with the dogs.

Sitting Details

I prefer to take one dog at a time, but may take two if they come together. I prefer smaller dogs up to ~30 lbs since I live in an apartment, but I’ll consider larger dogs if they are calm and friendly. The rates for daily and overnight sitting include at least one walk. If I leave, it will be only for a few hours and I can let the dogs roam the house, put them in one room, or use a kennel, depending on what the dog is used to.

Fees listed are per dog. For day care and boarding, the fee for a second dog is an additional half the original fee. For home visits, there is an additional $10 charge for every dog beyond the first per visit. (DogVacay didn’t provide a way to communicate that in the rates section!)

Special Needs

I work well with older dogs and special needs dogs who need a bit of extra attention to make sure they eat their food and get their medicines. For dogs with anxiety issues, I think it’s best for them to have a regular sitter — over the course of a few sittings, I’ve helped dogs go from extreme anxiety to acting like my place is their second home. I also take dogs for extended stay if an owner needs to be away for weeks or months at a time. I also work on leash training dogs who need a bit of instruction to heel on walks.

I live on the second floor, so dogs should be able to climb stairs, or be small enough and willing to let me carry them up and down. To potty, I take the dogs outside (3-5x day) and we walk up and down the sidewalk (in addn to the longer walk) out front where there is plenty of grass and shade. I live in a very dog friendly neighborhood.

Also, I’ve recently obtained a certificate of completion for the Dog Emotion and Cognition online course offered by Duke! It was fascinating and I learned quite a bit about dog thinking and communication.

Referrals and more information at Dog Vacay. Dog Vacay offers health liability insurance — covering the cost of emergency vet care should your dog need it while you are away. You can also CONTACT me here.

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Possibility Warrior Tutoring

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Background

Sitting Details

Special Needs

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